Driven down from The Heights and cast out from a community of academics, over-achievers and esteemed members of the creative class, the people who would later become known as the People of The Willows sought refuge on the rocky western slope that faced The River.

A resilient ad hoc tribe of recyclers, tinkerers, bricklayers, petty thieves, banjo players and dock workers, the people of The Willows immediately took up the task of community building.

Though the slope’s inhospitable terrain offered little encouragement for the establishment of suitable habitation, the land proved itself to be surprisingly malleable.

The newly arrived refugees cleared brush and gathered stones to create the slightly uneven streets that we see today. They forged homes from a wide variety of architectural philosophies and planted community gardens on rooftops and in alleys, cultivating crops of succotash, brussel sprouts, sugar beets, cress and yellow carrots, while also making room for small patches of undomesticated grasses from which to feed the seventeen goats, some of whom occasionally roam The Willows’ narrow streets.

Within a short period of time, the first general store appeared, followed by a bicycle repair shop and a seltzer water dispensary (which doubled as a package delivery service). Not long afterwards, the first cast iron streetlamps were installed.

With a natural disregard for authority, The Willows has neither a school nor a police precinct. Instead, children are either home-schooled or left to their own devices, while low-level “criminal” activity is often overlooked, unless the people of The Willows deem a grievance too grotesque to accept, in which case they will police themselves.

Though the people of The Willows are loosely organized and non-hierarchal in structure, there are many characters who distinguish themselves from the others.

Amongst them:

JEBEDIAH: a bearded man with thick glasses, whose gait suggests a perpetual discomfort with his seemingly ill-fitted boxer shorts, he has made it his routine to check in on his fellow Willow people as he monitors the progress of the emerging village. Much of his day is spent visiting shops and gathering places along the two streets that make up the heart of The Willows. Though he has no dwelling to call his own, he is always welcome in the other homes of the community, and so Jebediah never lacks a place to sleep.

DESDEMONA: regardless of the weather, she is never observed without her high-collared coat, of which she has many, thus no one alive has ever set eyes upon her neck and collarbone. Her hair is kept short, with a feathery tuft of grey in front, and she favors leather work boots. She provides legal services for the people of The Willows, using most of her working hours to petition the regional chamber of commerce, as well as the city government, to recognize the legitimacy of the property claims coming from The Willows, while also promoting the cultural legacy that is currently being fostered in The Willows. On most afternoons during her lunch repast, she can be seen working on the exterior upkeep of her house on Willow Place.

DORIS: it is her life’s ambition to document, preserve, promote and perpetuate the beauty of the willow trees that give her people their namesake. Especially enamored of the willow branch in springtime, during its tantalizingly short interlude before the pods unveil their April bloom, she creates vast works of art based on them, including oversized daguerreotypes, acid etchings and intentionally crude lithographs. Easily recognized by her proclivity towards woolen shawls and jeans, she is often found by the stand of willow trees near the formerly unimpeded Furman Street – the last group of virgin willows in the county.

SIMEON: a former fireman (well, it should be noted that he was admitted to the Brooklyn Heights Fire Department’s Training Program but failed to appear for three out of the first five sessions and was thus summarily dismissed), he now works at The Willows Social Services office, advising residents about the finer details of passport applications, out of state driver’s license tests, and correspondence school programs. Always dressed in a denim camouflage jacket and a ski hat, when he is not holding court at his place of business, Simeon regularly finds himself at the end of the bar at the Weeping Willow Public House, where from he enjoys extolling the virtues of home slaughtering – that is, the slaughtering of livestock for human consumption performed in the privacy of one’s own home.

JENNY: were one to stroll through the district of The Willows, one would never “see” Jenny, yet her presence is everywhere. Many of the woolen hats, shawls, scarves, gloves, leg warmers, blankets and small rugs are made by Jenny – proudly articulating her enthusiasm for colors such as turquoise and violet – thus helping to cement the nickname that outsiders have bestowed upon The People of The Willows: the “Purple Pirates.”

The casual observer might note that well over half of all of the knitted winter hats on display on the streets of The Willows are made by Jenny’s hand. Furthermore, during the more frigid months, the goats are often seen wearing warming jackets, also made by Jenny.

To say that all of these objects are hand-made is perhaps misleading, because Jenny actually produces many of her works through the help of an enormous loom, which occupies almost all of her living room.

Excruciatingly agoraphobic, Jenny pins her finished works on a clothes line, which she lowers to street level through an elaborate series of mechanical pulleys and levers, which then enables her fellow residents to more easily preview and select an item. When a resident chooses one, he or she replaces the item with an envelope that contains coins and bills. Customers decide for themselves how much they will pay, though if Jenny determines that they’ve offered too little, the undervalued item has a mysterious habit of disappearing from its new owner – frequently within a few days of the initial transaction. In its place, one would find a handwritten note, which states very simply: “not enough.” Once restitution has been made, the item is returned, often under the cloak of night.

RICARDO: a Norwegian transplant christened with the name of Ole Rikard, Ricardo arrived in The Willows after a stormy life at sea. It is rumored that he has fathered fourteen children, for on a few occasions, a child of mixed ethnicity who bears a striking resemblance to the wide-eyed, blonde-topped Ricardo, will be seen surveying the streets, as if looking for a lost keepsake. Should Ricardo catch sight of such an inquisitor, he will hurriedly duck into the Weeping Willow Public House or the Last Journey Café – depending on which end of the street he finds himself.

Though forever intermittently employed and always just short of cash, Ricardo is nonetheless a popular figure amongst the People of The Willows. He wows locals with his feats of strength, often challenging outsiders to arm-wrestling matches and staring contests. To this day, he remains undefeated.

It has been said that Desdemona once openly speculated what might happen should Ricardo ever face a challenge from one of the children he has cast-off, in the event that they ever return to The Willows as adults. A topic such as this provides ample fodder for late afternoon conversations when Ricardo is beyond earshot.

GEORGINA is often found seated on the front steps of an unoccupied corner shop, which since her arrival, has been re-dubbed as “Georgina’s.” She rarely moves from this spot, entertaining guests and passers-by with her impressively broad tastes in danceable music, which she shares by virtue of a portable music machine that has been connected to a set of amplifiers. On occasion, Georgina will take out a battered steel-plated slack guitar and strum along.

Though she is well read and tells tales from the far corners of the globe, no one in The Willows can recall a time when Georgina was ever absent from her stoop for more than half a day.

A lover of homemade chocolates, she typically offers one of these hand-crafted morsels to anyone willing to bring her a cup of her favorite triple-roasted Yemenite coffee from the Iris Café located on the middle of the block.

Georgina’s celebrity was greatly enhanced when it was discovered that she is one of the few residents who has ever stepped foot inside of Jenny’s lair. She has personally testified to the enormity of Jenny’s loom and, when dark sentiments get the better of the locals, is rumored to be one of Jenny’s henchmen. However, when the late winter sunshine casts its golden glow upon Georgina’s cherubic cheekbones, it is hard to conceive of her as anything else but a bon vivant, albeit a lazy one at that.

BENJAMIN: In truth, Benjamin has no business being amongst the People of The Willows, for he is over-qualified and earns far too great an income, yet he counts himself as one of them. A writer and cultural critic by trade, he spends almost all of his daylight hours locked away in the back room of his dimly lit railroad flat, keeping exclusive company with a quartet of exceptionally well-behaved cats. In the early evening hours, he will make his presence known at the Weeping Willow Public House, seated at a booth with a gin martini while reading through theater reviews from foreign newspapers.

On most evenings, he will travel to The Island to preview gallery installations in advance of their formal opening. He’ll then make a second appearance at the Public House back in The Willows, where, with the assistance of two glasses of Sazerac, he’ll fulfill his socializing needs before retiring to his apartment and four cats.

… TO BE CONTINUED

put together by The Willows Preservation Society and written by Christian Svanes Kolding

this morning, adriana and i discovered that we have very different approaches to coping with alternate side of the street parking rules here in new york city. anyone who parks their car on the street in this city knows that it is necessary to move the car at least once a week, to allow for street cleaning. some people have to move the car twice or three times a week.

though it is a routine aspect of living in new york, moving the car, or reparking (to identify this behaviour more accurately), can be quite a disruption, and considering that the first parking ticket is now upwards of $100, the consequences of neglecting this responsibility can even be quite severe.

since the car that we have is going to be used very infrequently, the question is: what is the best strategy to cope with the street parking rules?

after contemplating our differences on the matter, i decided to consult the oracles on the internet to see what i could learn.

two hours were invested into the research of different coping mechanisms with the experience of owning and parking a car in brooklyn, yet, in short, i failed to find much information that immediately addressed our simmering debate. i did, however, find valuable pieces of good sense, which i shall share further down below.

but now, i’d like to unveil the two competing philosophies of the day, as put forth by myself and by adriana, with the hopes that this might open up a useful discussion that can help us decide which tactic is best for us.

our approaches to street parking differ in the following ways:

since street cleaning only occurs twice a week on our street – and only once per side – i would rather move the car during the period in which the street is actually cleaned – with the idea that the car would only need to be moved once a week – and so i would plan an errand involving use of the car during the window in which one is not permitted to park on that side of the street, then return after the completion of the errand to find an available parking spot on the same block and same side of the street where the car was parked before (i.e. the home zone). with that, i would be done with having to worry about parking the car until the next street cleaning cycle, that is, until another 6 days and 22 hours. the advantage of this approach is that it is predictable and can be factored into one’s calendar as part of a regular weekly routine. the disadvantage is that it involves at least two hours of a weekday morning during working hours, which have to be dedicated to either running errands, or sitting in the car while conducting other kinds of business. another disadvantage is that one is each time dependent upon finding a parking spot in the home zone (the same general area, on the same side of the street), in order to stick with the routine.

adriana’s approach means parking the car wherever there is an available spot, regardless of whether or not she parks in the home zone, though presumably within a half-dozen blocks of the apartment, then moving the car each time it is necessary to accommodate the street cleaning rules. the advantage with this philosophy is that she parks wherever there is a spot available, and, in theory, there should be more spots available to suit her needs so she would spend less time looking for parking spaces. the disadvantage is that the car will have to be moved more times during the course of the week – because it will likely be parked in zones that have different “no parking” hours than the home zone on our street. using this approach will require greater awareness of the street cleaning times, in order to avoid tickets and towing, and because of that, it will most likely involve more frequent re-parking of the car and a higher likelihood of parking tickets.

with regards to those two hours of research spent online, perusing forums and blogs, i did find other nuggets of wisdom as it relates to parking and owning a car in the fair city of brooklyn. here is what i have distilled:

* primo spot is a website service that will help you find street parking as it becomes available in your neighborhood, provided that you live in new york city; http://primospot.com/

* it seems like a fair amount of people in brooklyn heights / cobble hill have not had issues with car theft or property damage to their car.

* that said, a common refrain is that it is a good idea to have a vehicle recovery system (lo-jack or similar) in the car, “even if it’s in a garage in the city, since many insurance companies take that into account in determining any discounts. it might be worth the investment since it would pay for itself in the reduced premium increase you will have in keeping the car in the city.”

* “the city is very harsh on cars, even if they’re just sitting parked. invariably you come out to find it with a new dent, trash on it, even someone living in it.”

* “if you don’t really have to drive in new york, don’t. get the professionals to do it for you – a cab, a car service – or at the very least, a friend or relative who is a local.”

* “free curb side parking in brooklyn is not the best thing. i’ve been broken into twice in the last 4 years. and if you live in a neighborhood like cobble hill, you will NEVER find a spot unless you come home from work EARLY and not move your car until the next day.”

* “If you leave it on the streets you will end up having to move it constantly with alternate side of the street parking, you may end up paying more in tickets than you would for a garage, i GUARANTEE it will get dinged up very quickly, and then there is always the risk of theft and vandalism.”

* a couple in their early 40s, living in brooklyn, with perfect driving records, excellent credit, and a ‘boring’ vehicle will pay a minimum of about $1700 per year in car insurance, based on what i’ve deciphered. paying upwards of $2000-$3000 per year is not unusual.

* technology is currently being developed that will allow parking meters to enforce themselves. parking meters of the future will be able to automatically generate parking tickets; recognize when a vehicle has left a parking space so that the meter time can be reset to zero; recognize when a vehicle has exceeded the time limit so that the meter cannot be fed. that is pretty intimidating.

* finally, according to the new york times, several studies have found that cruising for curb parking generates about 30 percent of the traffic in central business districts. “in a recent survey conducted by bruce schaller in the soho district in manhattan, 28 percent of drivers interviewed while they were stopped at traffic lights said they were searching for curb parking. a similar study conducted by transportation alternatives in the park slope neighborhood in brooklyn found that 45 percent of drivers were cruising.

over the course of a year, the search for curb parking in this district created about 950,000 excess vehicle miles of travel — equivalent to 38 trips around the earth, or four trips to the moon. and here’s another inconvenient truth about under priced curb parking: cruising those 950,000 miles wastes 47,000 gallons of gas and produces 730 tons of the greenhouse gas carbon dioxide. if all this happens in one small business district, imagine the cumulative effect of all cruising in the united states.

what causes this astonishing waste? as is often the case, the prices are wrong. a national study of downtown parking found that the average price of curb parking is only 20 percent that of parking in a garage, giving drivers a strong incentive to cruise. as george costanza once said on “seinfeld”: “my father never paid for parking, my mother, my brother, nobody. … it’s like going to a prostitute. why should i pay when, if i apply myself, maybe i could get it for free?”

like george costanza, drivers often compare parking at the curb to parking in a garage and decide that the price of garage parking is too high. but the truth is that the price of curb parking is too low. under priced curb spaces are like rent-controlled apartments: hard to find and, once you do, crazy to give up. this increases the time costs (and therefore the congestion and pollution costs) of cruising.

and, like rent-controlled apartments, under priced curb spaces go to the lucky more often than they do to the deserving. while the car owner with good timing can enjoy his space free or cheaply for hours or days, others who are late for a meeting or a job interview are left to circle the block, making themselves — and other drivers — miserable. the solution is to set the right price for curb parking.”

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and now, i’d like to open up the panel for discussion and your contribution.